wtf with my crappy day

"cutting the links that hurt the most"
i wrote a few months ago,
i never really realize how painful that will be
it hurts with no pain
i feel it everywhere like if the roots were all in my deepest self.

it's frustrating, because i can think what must be
what is making me feel like I can't see
but still i dont find a way to make it right
it seems i can look inside,
but in all means i'm still an outsider in the dark night.

i want to fix something that's broken
but i don't even see the pieces in the floor
i want to be a whole and work and earn and love
but im still fighting with my successful self
is like im sabotaging myself from happiness

I want to be ok, I'm learning a lot
but how comes i make every posible effort
and still got it wrong.
I feel left alone by God, and that is just not right,
he has been always been by my side, where is he now?

Please let me know universe what im doing wrong
i just try and try and find myself alone
i want to cut the links that hurt the most
just the way i said before
i'm going to ny, im not going home!